Brothers and sisters of individuals with disabilities or developmental disorders are very important lifelong companions. When a family receives a diagnosis or begins to understand that one of their children has special needs, many questions arise, and one of the most delicate is: how should this be explained to the siblings?
There is no perfect conversation or universal formula. Every child and every family is different, but one thing is common: children perceive much more than adults often imagine. Even if no clear explanation is given, they will notice changes, worries, and differences compared to their friends’ siblings, which can create discomfort and confusion, especially when they do not understand what is happening.
The best strategy for dealing with these feelings is COMMUNICATION—not in an academic or formal way, but through everyday interactions. Being close to the child on a daily basis and helping them feel that they can ask their parents questions and express how they feel is essential.
Sometimes parents wait until they “have all the answers” before talking to siblings and responding to the questions children may ask. However, saying “I don’t know” or “we don’t know what will happen” is also a valid response. Speaking with openness, honesty, and sensitivity builds trust and helps prevent siblings from developing fears, confusion, or feelings of guilt.
Why Is It Important to Talk About It?
Sometimes adults try to “protect” children by avoiding certain conversations. However, when children do not receive clear information, they may experience feelings of discomfort, anxiety, anger, guilt, and confusion, and they may develop thoughts such as:
- Thinking that they have done something wrong.
- Believing that their parents love their sibling more than they love them.
- Thinking that they must become the perfect child so as not to create additional problems.
- Believing that the situation is temporary and that their sibling will eventually “get better.”
For this reason, it is important to maintain clear communication that is appropriate for the child’s age and level of understanding.
Choosing the Right Time
There is no need to wait until you have all the answers. What matters most is creating a calm and safe environment for conversation.
Some recommendations include:
- Finding a moment without interruptions or time pressure.
- Using simple language that is appropriate for the child’s age.
- Allowing the child to ask any kind of question, even if it feels uncomfortable.
- Returning to the topic as often as necessary.
Explaining Special Needs Clearly and Simply
Children need concrete explanations, and the younger they are, the simpler those explanations should be.
For example: “Your brother learns some things differently,” “He finds it difficult to speak or understand some of the things we say,” or “He needs help with certain things, just like some people need glasses or medicine.”
It is important to avoid negative labels or explanations that are overly long or technical. The goal is to help the child understand the reality of what is happening.
Validating All Emotions
Siblings of children with special needs may feel love, pride, and protectiveness, but they may also experience anger, sadness, frustration, or jealousy. All of these emotions are valid. For this reason, it is important to communicate messages such as: “It’s okay to feel angry sometimes,” or “I understand that you feel sad about…”
When children feel that they can express their feelings without being judged, they develop greater emotional security and feel understood.
Encouraging Empathy Without Idealizing
It is important to help siblings understand differences and develop patience and empathy. However, it is equally important not to turn the child with special needs into someone who is “untouchable” or “idealized.”
Conflicts between siblings are inevitable at times, and this is completely normal.
Allowing reasonable disagreements, setting appropriate boundaries, and respecting personal space.
Seeking Support When Needed
Some families may find help in:
- Family therapy
- Support groups for families
- Children’s books about disability
- Specialized psychological guidance
If you think you may need any of this support or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us. We will be happy to accompany you through this process.
Mónica Arca Pérez
Clinical Psychologist (General Health)
Professional Registration No. B-02760
