{"id":3506,"date":"2026-05-06T16:30:56","date_gmt":"2026-05-06T16:30:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/psicologiainfantilmallorca.com\/english\/?p=3506"},"modified":"2026-05-06T16:30:57","modified_gmt":"2026-05-06T16:30:57","slug":"how-to-tell-children-difficult-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psicologiainfantilmallorca.com\/english\/how-to-tell-children-difficult-news\/","title":{"rendered":"How to tell children difficult news"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know how to tell them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes that moment catches you anywhere: in the kitchen, in the car, just before bedtime\u2026 and you think it\u2019s not the right time or place, so you put it off for another day, hoping that tomorrow you\u2019ll find the perfect way to say it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because there are conversations no one wants to have: telling a child that someone has died, that mum and dad are no longer going to live together, or that something important is going to change and they didn\u2019t choose it. And yet, that moment comes, and there\u2019s no plan or script to follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the adult is also affected<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Before thinking about how to tell them, there is something important that is almost never said: you\u2019re not okay either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Usually, when you have to give bad news to a child, it is because something has happened that affects you too. It hurts, you\u2019re afraid of doing it wrong, of saying something that might mark them or traumatise them, or of not knowing how to handle what comes afterwards. And with all that on your shoulders, you have to sit down in front of them and explain something you have not fully processed yourself. That\u2019s why we often delay it, overthink it, or soften it so much that it ends up being confusing. But children do not need a perfect speech, what they need is an adult who is present and available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Considering their age and how they understand the world<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You have probably heard more than once: \u201cHe is too young, he won\u2019t understand.\u201d It is important to realise that children pick up far more than we think. They feel and perceive what is happening, but not in the same way as adults. Their way of thinking and understanding the world is different, which is why they need explanations suited to their age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With younger children, information should be very basic, concrete, and repeated if necessary. They find it hard to process a lot of information at once, so it is better to have short but frequent conversations, as many times as needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As they grow older, we can give them slightly more detailed information, and it probably will not need to be repeated as often. Especially during school age, they begin to be more exposed to outside information: things they hear at school, on television, or from other children. In those cases, it is important to help them make sense of it and understand that sometimes bad things happen, but that does not mean they will happen to them. And above all, that adults are there to protect them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How should you deliver the message?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
And now comes the big question: \u201cHow do I tell them in the right way?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As we mentioned before, you do not need to have the perfect words. What really makes a difference are several important factors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That the news is delivered by someone they trust.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Ideally, this should be the person or people closest to the child, who are in a reasonably stable emotional state so they can communicate the news calmly and in a way that meets the child\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be honest and do not \u201csoften\u201d it too much.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Use simple, clear, and honest language. You should never lie, but the amount and type of information should be appropriate for the child. It is not about bluntly stating the truth without care, but neither is it about disguising it until it loses its meaning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes we use phrases like: \u201cThey\u2019ve gone away\u201d, \u201cthey\u2019re asleep\u201d, \u201ceverything will be fine\u201d. We do it to protect them, of course, but we often achieve the opposite because over-softening creates confusion. If we say someone is asleep, the child may become afraid of going to sleep in case they don\u2019t wake up. If we say \u201cthey\u2019ve gone away\u201d, they may wait for them to come back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With topics like death, for example, it helps to use explanations they can understand: that the body has stopped working, that they are no longer breathing, that they do not feel pain anymore\u2026 If you have religious beliefs at home, these can be included, but without replacing the basics. It is also essential to make something clear that is difficult to say but avoids a lot of confusion: \u201cwe\u2019re not going to see him\/her again\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Make space for emotions (theirs, but also yours)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Children do not just listen to what we say, they also observe how we say it, how we look at them, whether they can ask questions, whether they can cry\u2026 this is an opportunity for them to learn something very important: that it is okay to talk about what hurts and that there will be someone there to support them during these moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After telling them, anything can happen. They might ask endless questions, say nothing, get angry, or start playing as if nothing has happened. All of this is to be expected. What matters here is to talk with the child about what has happened. Ask them how they feel and help them put words to their emotions: sadness, fear, anger, confusion. Phrases like: \u201cWhat you\u2019re feeling is normal\u201d, \u201cI feel like that too\u201d, \u201cYou can ask me anything\u201d show them they do not have to deal with this alone. And yes, you can also say \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d when you do not have an answer. That, too, is part of being there for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Difficult questions and how to hold them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd are you going to die soon?\u201d Behind that question there is not curiosity, there is fear. More than giving a long explanation, what matters is reassurance: \u201cI\u2019m okay right now, there\u2019s no reason for me to die soon. I\u2019m here with you.\u201d Children are not looking for absolute certainty; they are looking for emotional safety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The adult\u2019s balance: feeling without becoming overwhelmed<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You can show sadness and you can cry if you need to. In fact, it is positive, because it shows that it is okay to express and feel difficult emotions. However, it is very important not to become overwhelmed, so the child does not feel is losing his\/her main source of security or that has to take care of you. It is not about hiding the pain, but about ensuring the child still feels that, despite everything, someone is holding the situation together. It is about showing that it hurts\u2026and that we keep going nonetheless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Specific situations: Parents separating<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If possible, the ideal situation is for both parents to share the news together, with a clear and agreed message, without unnecessary details, blame, or conflict. You might say something like: \u201cMum and dad aren\u2019t happy together anymore, and we\u2019ve decided to live separately. But we both love you very much and we will continue to take care of you.\u201d It is important to say this when the decision is final, not during moments of doubt. It is also helpful to anticipate changes, while still providing reassurance: there will be changes, yes, but they will not lose love or care. You can read more about how to help children in case of divorce<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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